Yes, I really did get punched by a girl.

So I need to catch up and write a full post about adventures to Bath, and to the New Forest (almost), but I've had enough people ask me what happened last night that I'm sick of repeating myself.

I've never seen anything like it, except on Jersey Shore. In fact, my friend who was with me at the time called the girl a "pikey." Imagine a Jersey shore-whore, but instead of a fake tan, she's a pasty alley-rat.

Coming home from a club last night with Stuart, I was standing on the street corner by Ted's Fish Bar (can you guess why it's my favorite late-night "chips" stop?) counting change to see if I could afford any food. Some girl holding hands with her boyfriend bumps into me--a solid hit that sends the change out of my hand. I just laughed and picked up my change (who's stupid idea was it to make 2-pound coins?)

About 20 feet away from me, this pikey girl with her boyfriend sprints away from him, towards me, screaming "DID YOU JUST HIT MY MATE?!" Apparently "mate" is a unisex term. Me, the naive American, gave her a little benefit of the doubt and sarcastically said "Yes," and turned to keep walking down the street, still trying to count my change (what's the octagonal coin again?).

She took me literally, and WHACKED me in the back of the neck. Stuart said it was full fist, no sissy little slap. I don't remember it hurting, but I was surprised to be hit, and spun around expecting it to be her boyfriend, ready to go at it. When I saw this crazy girl, I made naive American mistake number 2: "FUCK YOU SLUT!"

Oops.

She lost it, and while the first girl and her boyfriend watched, the crazy girl started punching and swinging her purse at me. And while I was swatting her arms away and protecting my eyes, her boyfriend starts coming at me...

Stupid naive American mistake 3: I yell at him to "Keep that bitch under control." I think I said it three times before he actually stepped anywhere near me or the crazy girl. Luckily at that moment, Stuart grabs me and yanks me away from the crazy girl just as her boyfriend puts HER in a chokehold, and drags her off asking, "Why do you keep pulling shit like this?"

Soooo. Lessons learned: coins suck for large denominations, drunk girls don't watch where they're going, drunk girls are more protective of their friends than their boyfriends, drunk girls don't like being called sluts, drunk guys listen when you tell them to control their girls, and drunk girls have recurring anger-management issues. Happy Valentine's Day!